Home
About the Project
Disclaimers
The Churches
Contact Us


The Church Project Theorems are an integral part of what we do here. I have come to realize, however, that we've accumulated so many of them that it can be difficult to remember them all. (Or even keep them straight. Well, not for me, since I came up with all of them.)

Never fear! Remember, The Philadelphia Church Project has your best interests at heart. To help you out, here is a handy guide to all of our theorems: the names, the meanings and where we first encountered them.

The Theorems
 

Theorem

Meaning

First Seen

1

The Fat Girl Principle

Poor urban parishes (particularly minority ones) are just happy to get a little attention

2
The Minority Report
Minority parishes are generally worse off than non-minority parishes
3
Upper v. Lower Church
Upper churches rule; lower churches drool
4
Tweener Churches
Late-model churches that are still big and grand, but not as ornate
5
Old v. Older Churches
Older-model churches that are neither large nor ornate
6
Consolidation
The merging together of two or more parishes
7
Church Alley
The three Catholic churches lined up next to each other on Allegheny Avenue
8
The Francis Triangle
The triangular location of Philly's three St. Francis parishes
9
The Vincent de Paul Effect
Buildings that don't resmble typical or classic notions of church architecture
10
North Philadelphia Swath of Destruction
The wave that knocked out nearly every Catholic parish in North Philadelphia
11
The Year of Hell
The year most of the North Philly parishes were closed--1993
St. Veronica
12
St. Athanasius Effect
Churches that are more impressive inside than outside
13
St. Cyprian Effect
Churches that are more impressive outside than inside
14
The Closer
The closing of a parish
15
Dead Parish Walking
When a parish is joined--or "twinned"--with a neighboring parish
16
Caveat Emptor
The buying and selling of church property
17
Pimp My Church
Alterations made by new owners that go above and beyond simple maintenance
18
The Long Goodbye
When closed churches lie abandoned
19
It's All Greek To Me!
Ethnic parishes that no longer have an ethnic population
20
The Hot Girl Principle
Rich suburban parishes generally don't care about visitors
Our Mother of Good Counsel
21
How the $#%@ do I get in here?
Protestant churches are more likely to have bizarre layouts
22
The Immaculate Inception
Immaculate Conception is the most common church name
23
Magnet Parishes
Architecturally significant and prominently located churches have higher survival rates
24
Tabula Rasa
Churches that undergo radical décor changes, usually due to repairs or renovations

 

© 2008 Philadelphia Church Project