Mailbag 38: Project Comedy Tour I

It’s been a long time since we’ve dealt with our overflowing mailbag, and what better way to do so than with the first edition of the Project’s Comedy Tour!

As you probably can guess, I get a lot of email. Much of it is good, honest correspondence. But more than a few are ridiculous, bewildering or downright incomprehensible. And why should I be the only one with access to these treasures troves, these towering monuments of human expression?

I shouldn’t, which is why I’m letting you share in my amazement with these full, unedited masterpieces. And for the sake of those involved, no last names will be used.

Hit it, fellas!

From Project reader Nicole:

I would like to know if the church is still .

……still what? Open? Standing? Doing well? Statistically speaking, probably none of the three. Next!

From Project reader Carol:

Aprox. 1953 , I had a nun sister Mary of the rosary. I wish I knew more about her

I wish I knew a lot of things.

From Project reader Laurelyn:

I'm from NEW YORK CITY is there public transportation? When is mass delivery?

Hello from PHILADELPHIA! There is ample public transportation, yes. But we haven’t yet perfected a way to squeeze a church into a city bus. Stay tuned.

From Project reader Tanesha:

Hello
I would like to speak with someone for information for next year!

Certainly. Next year will be 2016 AD (anno domini) or CE (common era). It begins on January 1, and as a leap year will last approximately 366 days.

From Project reader Bonnie:

Hi my name is Bonnie I was e mailing you to find out about the flea market on this Saturday August 15th 2015 my number is [REDACTED] please call me I need two spots

Glad to have you! That’ll be $100,000 American, cash or check (made out to “Philly Church Project.)

And from Project reader Maribelle:

I been going to this church half my life but I moved far and wanted to no can the priest perform my September wedding here in spanish and the price...September 12th

Sure, I can perform the service. I mean, I’m not actually legally permitted to do so, and my Spanish no es muy bueno, as you might say, but otherwise? !Vamanos con dios!